Expectations: The Guilt of Not Meeting Them

Exploring The Three Principles with Sarie Taylor

Things I used to think, feel and do before I saw what I see now.

We all set expectations of ourselves: how the day will go, how the week will go, how the year will go, and even the decade!

The other morning I woke up with expectations of the day...

...what I would be doing

...where I would be going

...who I would be seeing

...what I should be doing

...what I'd get done

...what we'd eat...

and things were just not going to plan.

It all started when we set off to go somewhere and part of the way there, I realised I forgot to take nappies (or diapers for my US readers!) for my toddler.

I quickly had an expectation: "it'll be fine, she never normally needs a change at this time of day".. but of course, she DID need to be changed - as soon as we arrived at our destination!

I had to go up to a random stranger and ask if there's any chance I could 'steal' a nappy (they're not really the type of things you can borrow, are they?). It was all a bit embarrassing and it was at that point that I got really frustrated with myself.

What I realised in a moment of reflection is that I was becoming frustrated because I was measuring myself against my own expectations.

Here's what happened:

As soon as I let go of all my expectations, I felt very different!

I used to feel like I can't let go of my expectations because I'd feel guilty if I don't meet my expectations.

Guilt is something that's often misunderstood.

I used to see the feeling of guilt as an indicator that I need to do better.

It was as if the universe was sending me a signal to say "must do better, Sarie!".

Yet now that I understand that we're only ever feeling our thoughts, I know that those feelings of guilt come from thoughts of inadequacy or thoughts of doing well enough.

They are internal thoughts.

They are thoughts that we're paying attention to instead of letting pass.

They're not facts, their not truths, they're just thoughts.

Here's what I want you to know:

When you feel guilt, that feeling of guilt is nothing more or less than a signal or indication that your thinking is off - that you're being too harsh on yourself: you're being judgemental and critical of yourself.