Managing Other People's Expectations (Without Losing Yourself)

In a recent live session inside my membership, I was reflecting on how often we feel overwhelmed - not because of what we expect from ourselves, but because of what we believe others expect from us. And if we’re being honest, most of those expectations? They’re often unspoken, assumed, and entirely made up in our own heads.

We can spend so much energy trying to live up to invisible standards that we’ve never even agreed to.

Whose Expectations Are You Really Managing?

Whether it’s family, friends, colleagues, or clients, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking:

• They’ll be disappointed if I say no.

• I should be able to handle this.

• They expect me to always be available.

Sound familiar? The truth is, half the time, the people around us aren’t expecting these things - we’re just assuming they are. And when we try to live up to those assumptions, we lose ourselves.

You’re Not Responsible for Other People’s Reactions

One of the most freeing things I’ve learned - and that I now teach - is this:

You are not responsible for how someone else feels about your boundary.

Let that sink in for a moment.

It is not your job to manage someone else’s mood, approval, or emotional response to your needs. Your job is to stay grounded in what’s true for you, and let others have their experience.

Just like I shared in my blog about moods, our feelings are always a reflection of our thinking in the moment. So when someone reacts to your “no,” they’re not reacting to you - they’re reacting to their own thoughts about you.

Boundaries Aren’t Walls - They’re Bridges to Self-Respect

A boundary isn’t a punishment or a shutdown. It’s a clear, kind way of saying: “This is what I can offer right now.” It allows you to show up honestly, instead of from a place of resentment or burnout.

When we overextend to meet imagined expectations, we end up disconnected - from ourselves and others. But when we’re clear and grounded, we create space for real connection.

What Are Your Expectations?

We don’t just carry the weight of other people’s expectations - we often pile on our own:

• I should be doing more.

• I can’t let anyone down.

• I need to have it all together.

These thoughts can feel so true, but they’re still just thoughts. And if we pause long enough to notice them, we can start to see through them.

It’s not about being perfect with boundaries. It’s about building awareness and making small, kind adjustments that honour your wellbeing.

Let Go of the Pressure to Please

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to apologise for not meeting someone else’s expectation. And you certainly don’t need to feel guilty for putting your needs first.

We’re all doing the best we can with the thinking we have in the moment. So instead of managing everyone else, let’s start by managing the stories we tell ourselves.

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