Are Setbacks in Anxiety Really What We Think They Are?

Many people ask me about setbacks, especially when dealing with anxiety. For years, I believed I experienced major setbacks regularly, at least once a year. However, I’ve come to realise that it's not about dealing with setbacks but rather about how we perceive them.

These days, I don’t believe in setbacks at all!

Instead, I see every challenge as an opportunity for growth. Unless we have a time machine, we’re never truly going backwards!

Why Setbacks Are Not Really Setbacks

When we feel overwhelmed by our thoughts and anxiety, it may seem like we’re moving backwards. But in reality, this isn't the case. These familiar feelings are just signs that there is more to learn about how we understand stress and anxiety. Each experience, however uncomfortable, helps expand our awareness, ultimately leading us to a better understanding of ourselves.

I used to be afraid of these overwhelming experiences, but now I realise that each one has contributed to where I am today: less afraid of life and more accepting of whatever comes my way.

Understanding Anxiety: A Moment-to-Moment Experience

Life is a constant ebb and flow, and one of the few constants we can rely on is change. Often, when we resist this natural flow, we start worrying about the past or the future - comparing today’s experience to "how things were" or imagining "what if it gets worse?"

For me, what I used to call setbacks were actually moments of fear - fear of my own experience.

I would analyse my past and fear my future, creating a cycle of resistance.

But once I stopped analysing and resisting, I found that the experience of the moment, though uncomfortable, would pass more quickly.

The less we resist, the sooner we move forward.

Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality (Including Setbacks)

It’s crucial to remember that we feel our thoughts, and our personal reality is created through them. That includes how we interpret setbacks.

As your understanding of anxiety and The Three Principles grows, you may notice that your tolerance for stress changes. I found that the less time I spent in chronic anxiety, the more I’d feel like my stress was worse than ever during those occasional flare-ups.

In truth, these episodes were shorter, but because I’d become more aware of my body’s signals, they felt more intense.

Learning to Listen to Your Body's "Love Letters"

This heightened awareness is a good thing. It’s your body’s way of sending “love letters,” showing you that you’re not meant to stay in a state of resistance or misunderstanding. I compare it to the time I stopped drinking diet soda (I’m six months free now, but that’s a different story!). When I drank it again after a break, it tasted awful - something I used to enjoy daily suddenly became unbearable.

Over time, we get used to our experiences, and our awareness shifts. What once felt normal, like chronic anxiety or stress, becomes harder to tolerate as we become more in tune with our bodies and minds.

There Is No Such Thing as Failure

Setbacks would only exist if failure were possible - and failure is not the truth of our existence. We are always doing the best we can, given our understanding and thinking at the time.

This realisation is empowering. It shows that resilience is not about avoiding challenges or setbacks but about understanding that you are never broken and never lacking. The more you see this, the more you’ll realise there’s no such thing as a setback.