The Happiness Trap and The Anxiety Cycle

We are well into the New Year and 2024 may already start to feel like a distant memory!

How are you resolutions and new goals holding out?

We see trends, ideas and lots of what ‘everyone else’ is doing and may feel like we need to follow suit, the personal development industry is huge, and is always encouraging you to make changes to your mind and body, to better yourself. What's wrong with that you might ask? If you enjoy making changes, and trying new things then go for it, it could be a lot of fun with some benefits to your wellbeing.

HOWEVER, there is often a component missing to all of this that is fundamental to our wellbeing, and reducing stress and overwhelm in our everyday lives (not just in the new year!) And that is that it is important that you see you are already good enough, as you are, first and foremost before any change happens, we need to love ourselves unconditionally. We feel anxious when we resist what is, acceptance usually replaced by tonnes of judgement feeds anxiety.

"But I need to stop eating chocolate"

"I need to exercise more "

"I need to stop drinking" 

"I need to get out more and see my friends" 

"I need to earn more money" 

There maybe some truth in that you want these things, but we actually are much more likely to succeed with any changes we desire, when we treat ourselves with love, understanding and compassion.

I often hear people say things like "I will be able to love myself more when I am more like x, y and z". This isn't how it works. 

If we are only able to potentially show compassion or love to an illusionary, future version of ourselves that we would like to be, or think we ‘should’ be then we become stuck in a happiness trap.

Have you found yourself thinking thoughts like these?

"I will be happy when…"

These are all things we may tell ourselves, that actually contribute to our self sabotage, the way we feel about ourselves and as a result our behaviours and actions.

It becomes a vicious cycle a trap of continually waiting to feel happy when we are different, a better version of ourselves. 

If this is you, I want you to ask yourself and reflect on the following:

What is actually important to YOU and WHY? 

Be really honest and open with yourself.

Let's take exercise for example:

Why do you want to exercise more? To lose weight you may say! Really? Is a number on a scale actually important to you? Is it more about being healthy in your body? Why is that important?

For me its to live as long as possible for my children, not just for them but for me, that's what I want, and that's a much more motivating consideration when I want to encourage myself to exercise more.

Its OK to be honest with yourself and reflect on what's in it for you, not what others think of you or because everyone else is doing it

Why you and why now? 

Now all of these reasons and ideas can be great, maybe you are really clear on what you want and why, but as I already said if you struggle to accept yourself as you are right now, see that you are doing your best in any given moment with what is available to you and your thinking, then you will be much more accepting of the ebbs and flows that the experience of life brings.

With acceptance and encouragement we can that find we make changes and flow through life with much more ease and clarity.

Love and compassion for ourselves is the foundation of being human.

We may ‘think’ that this is not possible, that we are only enough or lovable if we become a better version of ourselves, but thoughts are not facts, they are perceptions, stories and ideas that we can let go of at any time we choose.

All of the magic happens when we see the true nature of our thinking, that we are always feeling the thoughts we have, but that doesn’t make them facts. 

Maybe you feel 'anxiety' stops you from achieving your desires? Maybe you feel its the reason you are not lovable? Anxiety is not a 'thing' that has the power to do anything, its an inside job - this may feel frustrating to hear and even annoying BUT I promise you its a good thing it makes change much simpler than if it was the outside world that caused anxiety!

Check out the link below for ways I can help you break from from the Happiness Trap and Anxiety Cycle - it IS possible, and it may not be as difficult as you think when you begin to explore The Three Principles with me!